Thats the Way I like it
by Emberki
Summary: It seems like its just Gerard and his little brother Mikey in this world alone, but with all the drama going on, will this change everything they've strived to keep alive? Including themselves.Waycest - If you don't like it, don't read.Written By Emily
1. Chapter 1

**Happy Birthday! This fic started on the 7/03/2011, and so for it's 1st birthday, I've revamped it. ENJOY! Emily xox**

* * *

"Hey Gee, you in there?" My brother's voice sounded from outside my door.

"No," was my muffled answer, spoken into my pillow. I prayed I had remembered to lock the door, but didn't hold out much hope for it.

"Well I'm coming in anyway." The door opened and I sighed at my own stupidity

Mikey - my brother - was two years younger than me, but he was my best – and only – friend in this fucking cruel world. He was sweet… more than that - he was amazing; the only person that truly cared about how I felt. It was always me and him against the world. I didn't look up as he entered but I heard the soft shuffle of his converse travelling across my black carpet. There was suddenly pressure on the edge of my bed and I guessed Mikey had sat down.

"Gee… You're scaring me. The last few weeks have been… difficult on you. I can feel it. But what's happened Gee? Why doesn't Frank visit you anymore? Gerard… Gee, please look at me?" At that point Mikey's voice wavered, and I realised just how worried he was about me. I raised my head and looked at my brother. His eyeliner was smudged and his face blotchy - he had been crying too. I instantly felt guilty for everything I had put my brother through recently and it was intensified by the look of pain in his eyes. I saw him take in a sharp breath at the sight of my tearstained face and spiky eyelashes. I looked away… there was no need to frighten my brother anymore.

"Mikey… I can't tell you what's happened because that'll only make it real. I'm trying so hard to supress the memory… I can't bring it back. I just can't." Mikey put his hand on my knee, smiling at me and urging me to go on. "I… I need to tell you something first or it's not going to make sense. You see, Mikey – I'm gay." The sentence spewed out of my lips, every word tasting like venom, but Mikey seemed unaffected by this news. He nodded, willing me to continue my explanation. "Frank and I… We dated… and… and… he broke my heart Mikey!" I began to sob, shuddering violently and arching my back with every outburst. Mikey drew me into his chest, stroking my hair softly - he knew this calmed me down. "Mikey… he fucked around an- and he left me for this guy named Ray. He just told me her was leaving one day. They're in New York but… _but he never even said goodbye_."

I don't know how long we sat there, me screaming like a child with Mikey mothering me. The sudden shock of our mother's voice calling us for dinner made us both flinch.

"Dude, you'd best clean yourself up. We don't want to worry mum do we? I'll tell her you've gone to the bathroom. We'll talk after, yeah, Gee?" he asked me, his voice thick with sorrow.

"Yeah bro. And you'd best tidy up your liner. I know you've been crying. You can tell me later" I replied, throwing a pack of makeup wipes at him. Mikey smiled at me reassuringly and left to go eat his dinner.

Upstairs we both had to be happy, normal teenagers. We laughed, we joked and we picked fun at each other, even though we were both secretly dying inside. Every time we caught each other's eyes across the table, our smiles faltered a little. We were all mum had left; there was no need to upset her. Our dad died just before Mikey was born, so he never even got to meet him, and I was barely 2 so I had no recollection of any times we spent together. That was 15 years ago though, and mum was so much better now. Neither me nor Mikey wanted to take her new-found happiness away from her. So we ate our dinner smiling, and chatting. Mum brought up the subject of girls and Mikey shot me a glance, smirking into his cup. I had keep up my tale that I was still chasing after this girl I had no chance with. For some reason, mum found it hard to believe.

"Such a handsome young man like you, Gerard? I'm surprised you don't have girls queuing to be with you!" she said. I smiled awkwardly, mumbled a quiet 'thank you' and finished my last mouth full.

Mikey and I made our way back downstairs, down into the basement where my bedroom was located. We sat on my bed, facing each other with our legs crossed, ready to talk.

"So Gee, you can finish your story first," Mikey said.

"Well. You know that frank and I were friends for ages, right, well, I've liked him since we met. One day, when I was sure he felt the same towards me, I made a move. We kissed… it was so innocent… and after a couple of weeks we began… fucking," Mikey flinched at this statement. "But about 2 months ago, he met Ray. I liked him 'because he was funny and so happy all the time, but I could sense something was different with Frank. He didn't come and see me as much as he used to and we didn't do… other things as often either. Eventually, I found out he was fucking Ray behind my back when his mum let me into his house and sent my up to his room, where Frank was otherwise preoccupied. He tried to apologize, and he told me he loved me, but he was **IN** love with Ray. And so he had to leave. It broke my heart. I feel so horrible, Mikey," I started crying again. Mikey reached over and took my hand, tracing all of the lines in my palm. Eventually I managed to control myself.

"Mikey," I said, lowering my voice. "I know you've done it again."

"D-Done what?" he stammered - I had caught him off guard. He began to shake, further proving his guilt. He looked away from me, unable to make eye contact, and dropped my hand. So I asked him.

"Show me your wrists, Mikey."

"Gee… please don't me do this. You know it's there so why do you have to see it?" I reached out and brushed my hand against his sleeve. He flinched. He knew he would have to show me now. "So I can check if it needs stitches."

Mikey rolled his sleeves up a couple of inches, showing the deep, red lacerations up and down his wrist. I gasped. Tears began streaming down his face. I ran my fingers along the cuts, merely gracing the surface with my touch, trying to work out what was wrong with my brother. He was cutting himself for God's sake, and it was probably my fault. I should have told him what was going on with me. The guilt inside me was suddenly unleashed, wrapping its tentacles around my brain and squeezing it. My head began to spin and tears began to fall from my eyes as I jumped off my bed, ran to my bathroom and locked the door.

"Gee. PLEASE," Mikey screamed from outside the door. He was becoming hysterical.

"MIKEY IT'S MY FAULT ISN'T IT? ISN'T IT?" I yelled back, putting my head in my hands. I heard him whimpering more outside the room, gradually becoming more and more desperate. I decided I should probably go out and help him, instead of being so childish. I unlocked the door to find him slumped in a heap against my wall, his breathing erratic and his entire body shaking violently. I lay beside him and curled my body around to fit the shape of his, holding him tightly and making little shushing noises. Soon, he fell asleep in my arms. Mikey was light, so I carried him to my bed and slid in after him.

I was suddenly woken by someone shouting in my ear, it was Mikey. He was having some kind of nightmare. I listened intently to what he was saying.

"Gee please no. Don't take them from me. I need them. My Razors! My razors! Please. GIVE ME THEM BACK. I have to cut. PLEASE. PLEASE GEE."

I was scared. Mikey was more dependent on his self-harm than I'd suspected and that hurt me so much. I knew that I should tell someone about his problem, but equally I knew how it felt to be questioned and tested by doctors you didn't know. I gently shook him awake.

Mikey woke with a start. He was still breathing quickly and his eyes were whizzing around the room wildly. He looked at me, fear and tears in his eyes.

"Mikey, sweetie… We need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

"Mikey, do you know what you were shouting about in your sleep just then?" I asked. My confrontation obviously shocked Mikey greatly as he uncomfortably shifted out of my arms.

"No - what did I say? Whatever it is, I'm sure it wasn't true… and I'm sorry for waking you up," he gushed, avoiding eye contact with me once again; I don't think he realised what a bad liar he was or how the guilt was almost always evident on his face.

"Mikes you were screaming. It seemed that I had taken your… umm… razors off you, and you were screaming at me to give you them back. Y-you said you had to cut. You were begging me. And- and…" The words just wouldn't come out, so I sighed instead. "Mikey… show me the rest of your arm please."

"Gee… It'll only upset you." Mikey shifted position again to sit opposite me on my bed, not one part of our bodies touching. I persisted until he had rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. I resisted the urge to throw up as I saw what Mikey had done to himself: all the way around the perimeter of his arms were slits deeper than the ones near to the heel of his hand, all pointing in different directions with jagged edges. Some were deeper than others, but that didn't matter at all. The only thing I could think was '_why is he doing this to himself_.' That's when I noticed the smaller, red lines tucked away under his bunched up sleeves. _Shit._

"Mikey – shirt off. Now."

"How fucking far do you want to go, Gerard? You're already trying not to cry and this is hurting me. I can see the fucking tears in your eyes and it's _killing_ me! Anyway, you can't make me. Gee. NO!" he exclaimed as I pounced on him, tugging his black and white striped jumper over his head, messing up his perfectly straightened hair and knocking his glasses a little in the process. The sight was shocking.

His entire torso was covered in scratches, but these were different to the lacerations on his arms. They were shallow, only having damaged a couple of layers of skin – but they were plentiful. I guessed that they were from his finger nails. I stroked the offending marks gently and sensed him shiver slightly under my cold touch – I withdrew my hand from his body. "Mikey… can you explain to me, please?" I whispered.

We lay back down on my bed, cuddled up so close that our noses touched while he explained, his breath warm on my face.

"I hate myself Gee. I know a lot of people say that but I truly mean it. I've lost all of my friends for no reason at all. I don't know what I've done wrong, but they've all just turned on me. Gee they're calling me so many names. Mainly gay… but I'm not. At least, I don't think I am. But if I was Gee, you'd still love me right?" He burrowed his face further into my plain black t-shirt.

"That's such a stupid question, Mikey. Of course I would! With all my heart, Mikey, and you should know that. Now I know you, and I know there's something else you're not telling me. What's going on?" I replied. Mikey lifted his head from my chest.

"Well. I think I have an eating disorder. I feel so disgusted with myself after eating that meal up there that it's taking every fibre of my being to stay here with you and not run to the toilet to be sick. Then I feel so guilty because mum doesn't have much money and she pays for the food on our plates and I'm just throwing it back in her face. I'm so… so ugly, Gee." He explained, tears spilling down his soft cheeks.

"Mikey, but your skin and bones… and your beautiful" I whispered. I was once again almost deemed speechless by this news. I traced his ribs that were barely covered by a paper thin layer of skin. They looked about ready to pop out. "How long has this been going on?" I asked, taking advantage of the fact he was finally opening up to me. I held him closer. I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

"A month or two? It started as just restricting my calorie intake, but these past two weeks I've began purging as well," he mumbled, still refusing to make eye contact. He sat up and turned his back on me at this point, showing me his dangerously visible spine. "Gee… Can I put my shirt back on? I feel so self-conscious... and you're staring at me."

"Mikes, it's just me…," I replied, feeling hurt by the fact Mikey was so… so messed up.

"I know," he replied, "Maybe I should go up to my room. This helped me a lot, and I feel a lot better - we should do this more often. Thanks, Gerard. Goodnight." Smiling at me awkwardly, he left my room. I suddenly felt so empty, my best friend had gone, and unfortunately I was left to reflect on that night's drama alone.

I knew exactly what Mikey was going through; my scars reminded me too frequently of that. I also knew what came in the darkest moments of depression. Imagining Mikey in a hospital bed was too much for me, and it brought tears to my eyes. I was too familiar with how suicide affected families - it's never a pleasant experience waking up to your small, broken family crying around you in a strange bed in a strange room. But I didn't know how to help my brother. Maybe it was my fault? Perhaps I had influenced him. I mean, he was the one that found me. I decided to put all of these thoughts to the back of my mind and that I would dwell on them further in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke violently to my mum shouting for me to '_wake up_', as I had to drive Mikey to school again. I knew mum couldn't drive him there because she doesn't possess a driver's licence, but it took far too much _effort_ to wake up at 8:30 in the morning. My high school days were over, and I didn't particularly want to partake in the routine any longer. Suddenly, I realised that this drive to school would give me an extra 10 minutes alone with Mikey. My heart began beating fast at that thought, and I wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps because I could find out some more information about his situation. I shut my pounding heart up with a quick thump to my chest whilst casually throwing on some skinny jeans and a random top, picked up off my overly cluttered floor. I practically ran up my bedroom stairs to fetch Mikey.

I started my car but had to wait another couple of minutes for Mikey to eventually finish applying his make-up – the boy took longer to get ready in the morning than a girl! After what seemed like a lifetime, Mikey dropped into the chair next to me with a sigh of complete and utter despair - my stomach dropped at the sound of this. Mikey turned his head away and I was sure he was crying. After a few minutes of driving in the eerie silence I heard a small whimper escape my brother's mouth. I slowly reached my hand over and squeezed his knee in what I hoped was a comforting fashion.

"Gee… I don't _want_ to go to school. It's horrible there," he whispered, turning and showing me his swollen red eyes and eyeliner streaked face. It broke my heart seeing him like this, so I made a decision.

"You know," I said quietly, "Mums at work today… she leaves in 10 minutes. We could drive around a bit until then, and then go home if you'd like. We could continue last night's discussion… if that's ok with you." A huge smile broke across his face as I said this.

"Sure Gee! I'd absolutely love to!" was his simple reply.

We drove around for a little while in my shitty little second hand car before eventually arriving back at our small, empty house.

"So, little brother," I said, giggling at the scowl that appeared on Mikey's face. I walked across to him, licked my finger and wiping at the smudges of black on Mikey's cheeks. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Actually, Gee - could we just chill out for a while, I mean… I'm not in the mood for talking right now," was his hesitant answer. I felt a little disappointed at this, as I was quite enjoying Mikey and I getting close again.

"Oh… sure dude, what do you want to do instead then?"

Mikey wandered around my cluttered room aimlessly for a couple of minutes in complete silence before pulling down my pristine collection of comics. I winced as he began carelessly flicking through them, but the look of content on his face was so heart-warming that I ignored the small creases Mikey was making in the pages. I mean, I could always iron it out later. I decided I was going to do something productive with my day, for once, and so I took down my dusty art supplies box. I hadn't drawn for what seemed like years; since the day Frank left me in fact. I hadn't felt the feeling of creativity since then either as before that, the only sketches I had produced were of Frank… or Frank and I. I didn't even know where my sketch pads were. Once I had found one that wasn't complete I picked up a brand new pencil and I suddenly felt the familiar buzz. All of my creativity flowed back into my body; I channelled it out through my pencil. I was vaguely aware that I was humming as I worked but it was subconsciously, leaving me with no power over it.

After an hour and a half of solid work I snapped out of my trance and found that I had paint in my hair and all over my clothes, even in some of the colours I hadn't even used, but I didn't care. I smiled down at my creation proudly. My heart beat profusely at the sight of the deep brown eyes staring up at me from the page, his straightened hair perfectly framing his delicate features and the crooked smile I so rarely saw anymore made me melt. The smile soon faded from my face. I was so SICK, so fucking _sick sick sick_. This was Mikey I was looking at. My own brother. I wanted to scream, or throw up… just SOMETHING! I looked around to see the real figure of my brother curled up in my bed, looking so angelic… so innocent. He didn't know anything about the difficult situation I was in, and I obviously couldn't talk to him about it.

* * *

"I'm going for a shower," I announced to my sleeping audience. "Maybe I'll be able to think better in there." As I stripped out of my dark clothes in the pure white bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the cabinet mirror. I immediately felt the urge to punch it. That's when it clicked in my head: Mikey was turning into a mini-me – but ten times as worse. I was repulsed at the thought. With a quiet snarl I dragged myself away from my reflection and took a nice, long, hot shower.

I felt so much cleaner once I was finished, as if my thoughts had condensed on the windows with the steam from the water. I exited the room with one towel wrapped around my waist, drying my hair with another, to find Mikey wide awake and sat on my bed studying my drawing intently. My heart sank. "Mikey…" I started, but my mouth wouldn't form any further syllables. My soft utterance made him jump.

"Gee… you made me look beautiful," he croaked, and before I knew it he had launched himself at me, squeezing me tight. My heart began to flutter as multiple decisions flashed through my brain. It was wrong. So fucking wrong. But I knew what I wanted, and something told me he wanted it too.

"Hey now," I said in a low tone, stroking his hair. "You are beautiful." I was hesitant to follow my heart. I placed my finger under his chin in order to make contact with his beautiful big, brown eyes. "And I… I…" I studied each individual aspect of his cherub features, moving my index finger up to stroke the apple of his left cheek. He didn't flinch. I took this as I sign that I should proceed. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins. He leaned forward - an encouraging gesture. This was so wrong. I almost pulled away but his cupid bow lips and the expectant look in his eyes drew me in. "I think I… love… you." I took in a deep breath and gently brushed my lips against his. I felt him draw in a sharp, short breath but he opened his mouth, enticing me in. Our lips found a slow and steady rhythm as I licked his bottom lip; I knew I shouldn't go any further. This was wrong. I broke away sharply. Mikey looked completely star-struck by my act of affection. He opened his mouth to speak but ran upstairs before any words escaped. I just stood there in a stunned silence as a single, solitary tear made its way down my cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

After about 10 minutes of standing rooted to the spot I collapsed into my chair. I was so… overwhelmed by my courage and still in shock from what I had done. But that was undoubtedly that best moment of my life so far. What if Mikey hadn't wanted me to do that? What if I'd upset him? '_But he didn't seem too upset with my advancement during the process' _a little voice inside my head whispered. I shook my head as if to remove it. Then again, he did run out of my room. My silent contemplation was broken by my mother's shouts of "Gee! Dinner's ready!" I hadn't even realised that she had arrived back home, or taken notice of the time. I sighed. '_Not now mum'_ I thought as I dragged myself up the stairs and put on my false smile, still unready to face my brother.

I sat down in my usual seat at the dinner table shaking; hopefully it wasn't too noticeable though. I was worried I'd upset Mikey. I glanced up to see if I could read any emotion on his face, but the only thing I saw was that he was looking as if he wanted the chair to swallow him up. I hastily averted my gaze before he saw I was staring.

"What's wrong with you guys today?" asked mum. Apparently it was so obvious something was going on that even my emotionally oblivious mother had noticed. I shrugged, and judging by my mum's tut Mikey had done the same. "Come on guys," she continued. "I feel like I don't know you anymore." She looked genuinely sad as she said this.

"That's because you don't," Mikey snapped. My heart sank as I knew what was going to happen now; Mikey was winding himself up for a massive argument.

"Calm. Down. Now," I said sternly. My order must have pushed him over the edge.

"NO!" he yelled, standing up and slamming his fist on the table. "NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. SHE KNOWS FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT ME"

"LANGUAGE Mikey!" Mum never raised her voice at us, so I knew Mikey was crossing a line.

"NO! I WILL NOT MIND MY FUCKING LANGUAGE! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND YOU DON'T CARE. HAVE YOU NOTICED I ONLY WEAR JUMPERS? NO? Didn't think so." I knew where this was going now. "THIS IS WHY." I was right. Mikey rolled up his sleeves. He thrust his wrists violently at mum and I watched her begin to cry. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU DON'T KNOW? ME AND GERARD ARE - -"

"MIKEY," I screamed, cutting him off mid-sentence before he spilled what had just happened with us. I stood up and faced him for the first time. "SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!" I hated yelling at him, but he was going too far and it was the only way to stop him. He backed down immediately and looked at me briefly. I saw his bottom lip quiver as he ran out of the room, probably to his bedroom. If I hadn't upset him before, I definitely had now.

I walked over to mum and put my arm around her as she put her head in her hands and began sobbing. We never argued. I couldn't remember the last time we had a proper one. "Mum," I said. "Don't blame yourself, ok? And don't even worry about it. You know I've… I've been through it all," I felt her wince at the memory. "So I can help him. I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Yes. But you weren't going to be," She replied. She had to take me to hospital after the overdose that landed me in serious trouble. Mikey had found me on my bathroom floor, lying in a pool of blood that had seeped from my wrists and that I had coughed up. My condition was bad - critical even. So really I owed her my life.

"I know," I whispered. "But I'm going to make sure Mikey stays here safe and sound ok?" She nodded. "Now I'm going to go talk to him."

"Gee… don't. He's angry. You know how he can get," She said, looking up at me pleadingly.

"Eh, I know how to deal with him. Plus, you know how good I am at calming people down," I grinned at my mum, kissed her on the cheek and went up to Mikey's room.

* * *

I knocked on the door.

"FUCK OFF," came a shout from inside. I entered anyway, preparing myself for the onslaught of abuse. As I opened the door a cup flew past my head, and I ducked as a phone hurtled towards me. I strode towards the bed and grabbed Mikey's wrists to restrain his arms; he yelped in pain. I felt bad for hurting him but I wasn't letting up until he had calmed down a little. Once he had given up on trying to hit me and began attempting to kick me I dragged him over to his bed and lay on him until he stopped lashing out. I loosened my grip on his arms and he propped himself up on his elbows before pecking me on the lips. '_Fuck it,'_ I thought and I leant down until our lips met. Our rhythm was faster than last time, less hesitant, and it felt good. I felt his tongue making its way towards my mouth, brushing along my lips. This was further than we had dared go earlier. I smiled and met his tongue with my own. We fought for first entrance; I won.

We lay kissing for a long time, until I suddenly felt uncomfortable. I broke away in order to find out the source of this disturbance. Something hard was jabbing into my stomach. I looked down, then back up at Mikey. I giggled at his apologetic eyes.

"Damn, Mikey. I know I'm sexy and all but…" I stopped talking and began to grind him, smirking at the soft moan of pleasure he emitted. "You know Mikey," I said, moving down to kiss his neck. "You've been bad today. I mean, you skipped school, made out with your brother and yelled at your mum… you need to be punished." I ground him harder a couple more times, his moans increasing in volume and frequency before suddenly jumping off him. "THIS IS PUNISHMENT" I yelled, grinning as I ran out of the room hastily with him in close pursuit.

I ran into the dining room, making my mum jump at my sudden appearance. I heard Mikey giggling as he ran down the stairs, still chasing me. Mum looked so confused, probably about how I'd managed to change Mikey's mood from pure anger to happiness in a matter of minutes. I winked at her and took the seat beside her. Mikey burst through the door still smiling.

"Apologize to mum Mikey," I said.

"Mum… I'm sorry… Truly sorry," he said, still unable to take the smile off his face. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. Mums face lit up immediately.

"I just worry about you, honey," She said. "But Gee tells me he's taking care of you." I blew Mikey a kiss and his smile broadened.

"Yeah, he is. Well I'm going upstairs… I've got a lot of work to do… night Guys."

"Yeah mum, I'm going down too. I won't be up too late, night," I said as I left, looking back at the last moment to see my mums smile fading fast.


	5. Chapter 5

I knew that this feeling would come eventually… this feeling of regret. It had happened earlier after our first encounter, but this felt much stronger. I had turned my brother on. But on the other hand, I did have to control myself around him as, to be honest, I could stay attached to his lips forever. I rolled over in my bed to look at my alarm clock. 1:12 am. I sighed. _Stupid brain, why would my thoughts not leave me in peace_?

Just as I was drifting into a state of deep sleep I heard my door creak. My initial thought was that it was my mother coming to check that I was still, but that theory vanished when I realised she hadn't done that for months. I froze in my bed. What if it was a burglar? Was this going to be my final night?

"Gee?" Mikey. My mind was so dramatic. I felt so stupid.

"You fucking dick!" I hissed through the darkness. "You scared the shit out of me." He didn't reply. The next thing I felt was a freezing cold hand on my arm that sent a shiver down my spine. "Jesus, Mikey, why are you so cold?"

"I've been out," was his short answer as he got into my bed. He curled up into a ball with his knees tucked up under his chin, shivering.

"Are you kidding me Mikey? OUT? In NEW JERSEY? At NIGHT? You could have been MURDERED!" I said, raising my voice slightly, but realising it could easily wake my mother I quietened down.

"I know, I know, but I was using it as a distraction. I realised it was dangerous and came home to talk to you instead," I wrapped myself around him, kissing his neck softly. "Gee... no… I want to talk. Like best friends again. I've come to tell you that I think… I think I have a problem. My S-self harm I mean." I smiled as I understood how difficult it was to admit this. I nuzzled my face into his neck, urging him on. "I was going to cut. I had my razor out and I had it pressed to my skin… but I decided not to do anything. I didn't know what to do instead so I went for a walk. When I realised this was more dangerous than cutting I decided to turn to you. I was wondering… would I be able to sleep in here tonight? To help me resist the urges? Please Gerard?"

"Mikey…" I attempted to respond. I was so proud of my brother. "You've taken the hardest step, you know that? And of course you can stay in here. I was feeling lonely anyway. We settled down, got comfortable and were asleep in minutes.

* * *

_ I moaned in pleasure. Everything felt so good. I wasn't going to last much longer. The volume of my outbursts increased._

"WAKE UP!" The sudden interruption scared me so much I had thrashed about in my bed, rolled over, and landed on the floor. Mikey's head peaked over the edge and on it was a huge grin, probably because of what he'd just caused me to do.

"Sorry, Gee," he said. "But you were moaning in your sleep. It must have been a good dream though." He looked down at the jeans I was still wearing and giggled. "Wow," he continued, "Damn it Gerard. I know I'm sexy but…" he said, repeating my speech from yesterday. He leaned forward to peck me on the cheek, then vanished back into my bed.

I continued lying on the floor.

"Mikey… are we, like, together now?" I asked awkwardly. This was weirdest thing I had ever done.

"If you want to be, Gee," he didn't sound overly enthusiastic. Maybe he didn't want to be with me. I felt my cheeks going red.

"Yeah… I do… w-what about you?" I stammered.

"I'd love to," he said. I could hear the excitement in his voice this time.

"Well I'm sorry to break this to you Mikey," I began as I got up off the floor. "But it's 8:15… you should be going to school." His face fell and he looked at me pleadingly. "Now don't be like that, honey. Try it… for me. Please?" I pouted. Mikey's face melted - obviously I could use this to control him in the future. I stood up and pulled my jeans up a little.

"One thing before I go, though," he said, standing up.

"And what's that then?" I replied, smiling. Mikey walked over and put his hand in mine. Our fingers intertwined as he leant in. I closed the gap quickly, wanting to waste no time. As we kissed my hands ran down his back to his hips and pulled him closer. It felt so good having his body pressed against mine. He ran his fingers through my hair, tugging through all the knots. It kind of turned me on.

"School… Now." He looked so unhappy. I ushered him out of my room to get in the car. I turned back to grab my coat, unable to stop smiling.

We sat in silence for the entire journey, but holding hands all the time. I could tell that Mikey was biting back tears and trying to be brave; it broke my heart.

"Hey now…" I whispered, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "It'll be ok. And I'm sure I can make it up to you when you get back," I winked at him and he instantly began giggling. As he got out the car I shouted "Don't miss me too much!"

"I will," he replied with a shaky smile. I drove back home deciding what to do with my day.

* * *

Mum wasn't at work today, so I decided to spend some time with her for once. I pulled into the drive way, got out of my car and walked up to the house. Mum was sat at the table looking pretty depressed. I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault.

"Hi mum, I've dropped Mikey off at school and I thought we could spend the day together or something," I said. She didn't look overly enthusiastic; in fact, she began to sob most broken heartedly. I felt even worse. "Mum… you know you can tell me anything right? I mean, I can deal with it."

"Oh, Gee," she sobbed, "Is Mikey ok? He's worrying me so much. He's becoming messed up… like… like…"

"Like me?" I whispered.

"Gerard, you know what I mean."

"Yeah mum, I know. But I'm better, aren't I? And I've told you, I won't let Mikey get to that extreme. I promise," I said, hoping this would ease her min a little. "So… What do you want to do today?"

"Well, Gerard… I don't really feel like doing anything to be honest. I'm not in the mood. I just want to go to sleep. I'm so tired. I've been doing so much overtime at work so that I can send Mikey to college, considering you didn't want to go." was my mums reply.

"Pfft. I don't need to go to college to draw, mum," I smiled. "Well I'll go and get you a blanket and a pillow and you can watch television too." I saw her smile and it looked genuine to me. I felt a bit better knowing I had offered some form of comfort to her. The feeling of doing good pleased me and I decided I was going to clean the house from top to bottom; I had 7 hours to kill!

I began in the kitchen as I realised it was probably the room in the house the most needed cleaning! Mum worked all week, except Wednesdays, and when she wasn't at her shitty job in the supermarket she didn't have the energy to do any of the work around the house. This explained the mountain of dirty dishes carelessly piled on the draining board. I sang as I scrubbed, and had finished my first job within half an hour, but I couldn't decide what task to tackle next. I stepped backwards and almost fell as I tripped over a mound of dirty washing. There was my next chore.

First I went to my room and threw all of my crumpled clothing up the stairs; next I grabbed all of Mikey's washing and finally threw my mother's washing from the basket in her room down the stairs. I dragged it all into the kitchen and began to sort the items into piles according to colour. As I was going through a pair of Mikey's jeans I found a small box concealed in the pocket. I opened it. Razors. My heart began to thud. What should I do? If I took them, he'd notice. If I put them back, I'd be responsible for any fresh cuts. I put the box to the side and continued sorting.

Once I had put the first wash on, I picked up the box once more and counted the contents. 10. 10 razors. I thought of my brother making use of them and hastily decided I was going to keep them from him. I ran to my room and placed them in a draw underneath my favourite jacket before returning to ground level to clean some more.

I finished work at 3. I had done all of the washing, ironed it and returned it to the owner's rooms; cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom; straightened up the living room quietly, as to not wake my sleeping mother and scrubbed the tiled bathroom down. I went to wake my mother.

"Hey mum… Wake up… I have something to show you!" I was sure mum would be proud of me. She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. Once she had regained focus her mouth fell open.

"Gerard… Am I in the right house? You- You've cleaned! Oh it's so LOVELY, Gee!" She exclaimed, clapping with joy.

"Oh, and come look at the kitchen!" I said, grabbing her hand and dragging her along. Tears began to well up in her eyes. I pulled her around the house, showing her everything I'd done.

"Oh, Gerard," she breathed. She was obviously speechless. I felt so happy with myself. "Gee, it's wonderful! You're so lovely to me! I can't believe… just… gosh… I love you!" She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. I giggled.

"It's ok mum. Any time! I put some papers that are yours on the table in the living room. I didn't know where they wanted to go so I need you to sort them out."

"I'll go do it now," she said smiling. We both went downstairs as we heard the door open and Mikey announce he was home.

I sauntered up to him. "Miss me much?" I asked, letting a smirk spread across my face. He didn't even answer. He threw himself at me with such force that we slammed into the wall. He kissed me passionately, but urgently, pressing himself so hard into my body that it hurt, but I didn't care. It felt so good to have him in my arms after the whole day alone.

"Boys? What's going on?" Our mother's voice sounded from the living room. He broke away, running his hands down my torso. I giggled.

"NOTHING MUM!" We both shouted in unison.

"Later," I whispered as he kissed down my neck, "I want to show you what I did today while you were out."

I subjected Mikey to the same tour the mum had endured, ending in the living room.

"Mikey, have you seen what Gerard has done today?" Mum asked when we returned.

"Yeah mum. It's amazing! We're lucky to have him aren't we?" Mikey replied, grinning at me. I blushed.

"I want to show you something else, Mikey," I said, gesturing for him to follow me. The second we were out of the living room I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the privacy of my bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

"So… how was school then?" I asked, ducking and dodging his attempts to kiss me.

"Terrible. I missed you so much. I spent most of the day… fantasizing." I smirked.

"And what did these fantasies involve?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Why don't I demonstrate," Mikey said in a rather seductive tone. Before I knew it he had sat on my laps with his legs either side of me… straddling me. This time when he kissed me it was softer… slower… it turned me on a hell of a lot. I took all of my concentration to keep myself under control. I lay back, pulling him down on top of me. Mikey seemed to revel in being on top; obviously he had a more dominating personality. I noted this down in my brain for future reference. I don't think he particularly knew what he was doing, so when he began to tentatively grind me I moaned, loud and long, in order to let him know he was acting correctly. That's when I lost my control.

Mikey giggled. "Eagar are we?" he asked, grinding a little harder. I gasped. I felt that Mikey had let his concentration levels drop too. He continued kissing me but I felt his hand making its way down my body towards my belt buckle that he unfastened with great ease. He gently peeled my jeans off and the relieved himself of his own. I removed my t-shirt and watched as Mikey reluctantly mirrored me. I ignored the marks on his torso and concentrated on maintaining the rhythm of our kiss once he had lay back on top of me. Mikey's cold hand began moving downwards again until he began teasing the material of my boxers. By now I was so turned on, it was painful.

Suddenly I felt his cool touch on a part of my body I had only allowed Frank to touch in the past. Frank. No! I couldn't think of him right now. I had to concentrate on the fluid movement of Mikey's wrist as his hand moved up and down on my dick, his hand occasionally flicking over the slit at the end in a well-practiced manoeuvre. I broke the kiss and nuzzled my face into his shoulder. My breathing was rapid as I groaned into his collar bones. His name escaped my lips. He seemed to like that. My breathing became shallower and my moans became louder and louder until I climaxed, thrusting into his hand and releasing myself all over Mikey's chest. He ran his fingers through the trail of cum on his chest and licked it off his fingers. I shivered – damn… he was so hot.

"Wow…" he said as we lay back on the bed. "You're pretty big." I giggled.

"You don't feel too small yourself. I should repay you for that pleasurable experience," I said, staring into his beautiful eyes and stroking his cheek.

"N-no," he stammered, "Not just now… I'm going to go and wash my hands." He gathered his clothes, walked over to my bathroom and shut the door.

I replaced my clothing and collapsed back down onto my bed, reviewing the recent events. I was almost immediately interrupted by my mother shouting for me to come upstairs.

"Door for you!" she said, still grinning. '_Probably because of my work today_,' I thought. I walked into the hall and opened the door. Outside in the pouring rain stood a boy with long black hair and a Misfit's hoodie. My heart skipped a beat and the room started to spin.

"_Frank?"_


	7. Chapter 7

I stared at him, blinking multiple times. Maybe I was hallucinating. Once I had assured myself that he was real, a smile spread across my face but then faded quickly I realised he was crying.

"He left me, Gerard. The fucking slut. He's no good for anything!" I pulled Frank through the door and embraced him, stroking his dripping wet hair as he sobbed into my shoulder. He looked up at me. I stared into his eyes; he was so beautiful. I hadn't realised quite how much I had missed him until this moment. I didn't fight the feeling any longer. I took his hands in mine and brushed my lips against his. I tightened my grip and pressed down to support myself as my legs began to fail to hold me upright. I missed this… missed him.

There was a gasp behind me. Mikey. I broke away swiftly.

"Hey, Mikey… Frank's back," I mumbled, still not wanting to let go of Frank's hands.

"Hey there, Mikey! Long time no see!" Frank said, smiling at my brother. Mikey's eyes flickered, showing an array of different emotions; anger, fear, sadness and a look of complete loss of hope. I saw his eyes become moist. He ran out of the room.

"MIKEY!" I yelled after him. I looked down at Frank, then into the doorway Mikey had exited through. I sighed in defeat. I could fix it with Mikey later… hopefully… but I didn't know how long Frank would stay this time. "Come on," I said, "Let's go downstairs and chat."

* * *

Frank sat on my bed, looking uncomfortable.

"What's up?" I asked, sitting next to him and taking his hand in mine once more, admiring the new tattoos he had across his knuckles.

"Well…" Frank said hesitantly. "When I moved away with Ray, we were happy with where we were. We had a lovely house. We were… Engaged," I winced. "But I got home from work one day… I knew things had been different… but he was with another guy… fucking him…" I dropped his hand, thinking to myself how similar his situation was to how he had left me. I wasn't sure weather to feel smug that he had gotten a taste of his own medicine, or sorry for the poor guy – who was obviously rather upset over the whole thing. "I ran away… stayed in a hotel for a week…. No clean clothes… no nothing…" he drew his knees up to his chest, his hesitant sentences becoming quieter, "I went back… Ray was begging me to stay… one time… packed my things… left… here… Gerard… I'm sorry for what I did to you." Frank broke down completely. He rolled onto his side and began shuddering, moaning as if he was in pain. I pulled him up and into my lap; I stroked his hair and made shushing noises.

Once he had calmed down, he sat up again. He glanced up at me with blood shot eyes, suddenly looking as uncomfortable as he had at the start.

"Gee… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. You see… I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm catching a plane to England… start afresh, you know." I tensed up. My heart, that Mikey had helped to fix up, was re-breaking more and more every second. "I won't be coming back. So I came to say goodbye."

"WHAT?" I jumped up off the bed, startling Frank in the process. "You came here to FUCK UP MY LIFE SOME MORE and you have the nerve to leave me ag-" he silenced me by pressing his lips onto mine violently and pulling me in close. He may have been smaller than me, but he was strong and he restrained my feeble attempts to hit him until I relaxed into the kiss. He slipped his hands into the back pockets of my skinny jeans and squeezed. All thoughts of Mikey had vanished from my mind. I concentrated on making the most of what little time I had left with Frank.

He tore my shirt from my body, exposing my chest, and performed the same deft movement with his own. We stumbled in the general direction of my bed without breaking our lip contact. He pushed me down and straddled me, leaning forward to kiss me some more. Just half an hour before hand I had been on this bed with Mikey, pushing thoughts of Frank to the back of my mind – things seemed to have reversed. He broke away from my lips for a moment to whisper in my ear.

"_I'll make this a night you'll never forget."_ His hands fumbled with the button on my jeans. I noticed immediately how clumsy he was in comparison to Mikey. I shook my head, trying to dislodge the thoughts from my memory. I gasped. My lack of concentration has allowed Frank to make his way down to my waist without being noticed. His tongue traced my hip bones, teasing me as he used to, before finally enclosing his mouth around me. I moaned. The faster he pumped and the more he licked, the louder my outbursts became. I felt myself about to cum, and apparently Frank did too. He giggled. "I'm good at sensing your climaxes aren't I?"

"YOU BITCH!" I exclaimed, smiling in entertainment.

"Well I'm not finished with you. Where's your lube and condoms? Top, left draw, right?" I nodded. Once Frank had lubed himself up, he spoke to me. "On your knees," he ordered. Fuck. He used to say that every time. I know what was coming. I happily obeyed. He straddled me from behind and entered me slowly. Fuck. God, I forgot how big he was! I revelled in the sensation, ignoring the fact that I was moaning far too loud.

"Oh FRANK," I moaned. I knew he liked it when I said his name. I could hear him behind me, muttering obscenities. It turned me on.

We were finished within a matter of minutes; he was obviously as desperate for it as I was. We lay in each other's arms for about 10 minutes. I couldn't help but think about how this would be the last time I would see Frank… forever. We lay back on the bed, breathing heavily. I curled up in a ball beside him and began to sob whilst clutching at his pale skin.

"Gee… what's wrong?" I wanted to hit him. How could he be so insensitive?

"What do you MEAN 'what's wrong?" I yelled into his side. "You're leaving me tomorrow, and you don't think there's anything wrong with that?" I looked up at him and I didn't see the same Frank that I had seen earlier. I saw the Frank that _wanted_ to hurt me. The Frank that didn't care about how I felt. The Frank that didn't love me at all.

I stood up, picked his clothes up off the floor and threw them at him after locating my own and redressing myself. He looked stunned.

"Gee… What did I-"

"Don't **GEE** me Frank. I don't want to be your Gee. I'm NOT your Gee. I am Mikey's Gee. And I have some apologizing to do to that poor kid upstairs. I've broken his heart. And it's all your _fault_." Frank looked at me, his eyes apologetic. For once, I didn't melt. I think I was over him. I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing but hate.

"Frank… Please leave me alone."

And with that, he left. I watched him walk up the stairs slowly. At the top he turned and looked at me, smiling slightly.

"I'll never forget you, Gee. And I'll always love you. I hope this won't be good bye forever."

"Just go." Was my short reply.


	8. Chapter 8

I paced the length of my bedroom, rubbing my hands, thinking of what to do. So many thoughts were tearing through my mind. I know what would already have happened. Mikey had most likely cut himself. Pretty badly, I guessed. I shuddered at the thought and wrapped my arms around myself. I knew I had to go up and talk to him but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I slid down my wall, onto the floor. '_Stop being so childish,'_ I thought. I found myself screaming as if I was in agony – it was all psychological, and I knew that, but I couldn't stop. It was as if I had lost all control.

Someone knocked on my door. Please, oh fucking **please**, let me have locked the door this time. It creaked open. Shit.

"Gerard?" It was my mum. He voice sounded thick with sorrow; I guessed she had been crying. I was lying on my side facing away from the door at the point that she walked in. I heard her approach me and she tentatively placed her hand on my shoulder causing me to flinch. I rolled over to look at her and saw she was sat cross legged on the floor opposite me, looking at me as if I was going to disappear. "Gerard… Mikey won't come out of his room. And I saw Frank leave… he looked really upset. And now you're screaming. Please…" her face crumpled. "What's going on right now?" I shrugged. "Gerard, I think you forget… I can hear everything that goes on down here when you don't shut your door properly. I understand now that you are… gay" she paused and bit her lip. I broke.

"Oh mum, please **please** don't hate me. I-I… I can't help it," I sobbed. She shushed me.

"Gerard… I'm your mother. I don't care what you want to fuck. I still love you the same as always." I smiled through my tears. I was sure now that she would understand mine and Mikey's incestual activities, but I knew it wasn't worth risking telling her. "So… do you know what's going on with Mikey?"

"I think that he had a crush on Frank," I lied, "And because of what just happened with us, he's a little upset."

"Wait… Mikey's gay too?" Mum looked slightly puzzled.

"I guess. Well, that's what I gathered from what he's said."

"Oh, Ok. Thank you for letting me know, honey. I'll go and try to talk to him again. Damn, I guess that's killed my chance of grandchildren, hasn't it." I giggled.

"We could adopt." Mum smiled weakly at me and left.

The second I heard the door close I stopped holding in my emotions. I felt awful for what Mikey bust be going through right at this minute, but I knew it would do no good to dwell on these thoughts. Once the tears had slowed, I decided that it was probably a good idea to check on my brother as I was scared as to what he was doing up there on his own. I climbed my stairs and was confronted almost immediately by my mother.

"Gerard… Mikey still won't come out of his room, and I'm so scared after what happened the other night." She bit her lip.

"Don't worry, mum," I said, giving her a quick hug. "I found his razors and confiscated them." My mother's face became slightly more relaxed.

"Gee… I think you should give them to me. I haven't forgotten the time before the hospital incident." I winced. Her lack of confidence in me was disheartening.

"I can handle it Mum. I'm going to go and talk to Mikey now – wish me luck!" I flashed a nervous smile at her and ran up stairs.

* * *

I tried Mikey's door, there was no lock on it but for some reason it would not open.

"Mikey?" I shouted, still rattling the door handle.

"FUCK OFF!"

"Mikey… Please open the door," I begged. I heard a dragging noise from the other side of the door and suddenly it flew open with an incredibly loud bang. Before I knew it, Mikey's fist collided with my face and I staggered backward, clutching my now bleeding nose. He walked over to me and grabbed my shirt in his fists.

"Where. Are. My. Razors." He hissed. I shrugged. "I know you took them you fucking bastard. Give them to me **now** Gerard."

"I can't do that, Honey. I don't want my baby getting hurt," I croaked, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

"I am **not** your 'Baby!'" He screamed, making me jump. I saw that Mikey was in no shape to cause anymore physical damage to me, but it was horrifying how weak he looked.

Mikey slumped to the floor at my feet, clutching his chest and sobbing loudly. I crouched down.

"Hey…" I said, placing my hand on his back, "You will _always_ be my baby. I just want you to know that I felt _nothing_ just then with Frank. And to be honest, I couldn't get you out of my head." His breathing became more even.

"Gerard… why does my heart hurt so much?" His innocent tone caused the tears to spill down my cheeks.

"Because I broke it, baby. I think you should go to sleep, and we can talk about it tomorrow." Mikey nodded and feebly attempted to stand up, but failed. I picked him up and carried him to his bed, where I tucked him in and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Mikey. Forever and always," I whispered as I left.

As I began walking down the stairs, I saw my mother sat on the bottom step.

"Mum?" I asked. She jumped up looking astonished, as if I had disturbed her thoughts.

"Oh Hey, Gee. Wait. What's wrong with your nose?" She shouted, rushing to my side.

"Nothing, Mum - Mikey just punched me is all," I replied, flinching when she touched it.

"Well it doesn't look broken, honey. Anyway, how did it go up there?"

"Just fine, mum. His crying had tired him out and his room is trashed from searching for his razors, but I put him to bed and said we would talk in the morning," I replied.

"Oh ok honey. Well, it's nearly 11 o'clock. You should probably go to sleep."

"Yeah, I'm shattered. G'night mum," I said, kissing her on the cheek and beginning to walk down my stairs. I was so tired that I collapsed onto my bed fully clothed and fell asleep immediately.


	9. Chapter 9

I awoke in the middle of the night for no reason that I could understand. I looked at my clock – 2:13am. I groaned. Why was I awake? Then I heard a quiet rustling sound, as if something was in my room. I froze. Whoever, or whatever, it was seemed to be mumbling to itself. I strained my ears to try and catch the words.

"Dammit, Gerard… where the fuck have you hidden them?" I let out my breath. It was Mikey. Good. He was using the light from his mobile phone to locate the box that I had stolen from him earlier. I carefully stood up, making sure that my bed did not creak, and I edged my way over to Mikey.

I clamped my hand over his mouth, causing him to scream in shock, but it didn't matter as my hand muffled the sound. He wasn't wearing a shirt and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest; I felt bad for scaring him this much. I dragged him to my bed and restrained his arms until he became weak again and he began to sob. My room was so dark that I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and so I fumbled around to find Mikey's shoulders. I pulled him up into a hug, breathing in his soft coffee-and-soap scent, kissing his forehead.

"I love you, Gerard," he whispered, "Forever, and with all my heart." I kissed down his face until I found his nose. He giggled. I searched for his mouth. I could feel him smiling into the kiss. He bit my lower lip; it was so damn hot. Mikey lay me back gently, making sure my head didn't hit the iron frame of my bed, pulling his body down onto me and caressing my thighs. It seemed Mikey's energy had returned, but his sudden mood changes were becoming tiresome.

I rolled so that I was on top of him, never breaking the kiss.

"Excuse me, my dear," I said, "But I do believe I owe you from earlier." I began to grind him softly, feeling an uncomfortable tension occur in my jeans. I felt Mikey's problem was a little… harder than mine.

"Goodness, Mikey. What happened to you being mad at me?" I asked, allowing a smirk to play across my lips. I sat up. "Well… I'm a little upset about earlier," I continued, pouting even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Say you're my baby," I commanded.

"No Way!" he giggled. I punched his shoulder lightly.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Mikey," I whined, placing my hand inside his boxers, "I will rip your dick off."

"Gee! No! Ok! I'm your baby!" I loosened my grip on his equipment.

"Oooh, that turns me on, baby," I whispered into his ear, "Let's take this shit up to the next level."

I kissed down his stomach, unsure of where this new-found confidence had appeared from, but I made the most of it. I was conscious of how hard my lips were pressing on his skin, as I didn't want to hurt his cuts. I grabbed his boxers with my teeth and growled as I tugged them down to his ankles. He kicked them to the floor. I licked back up his leg, half to be seductive and half because I couldn't see a thing in the pitch back of my room I found what I was looking for; it was confirmed by a moan of pleasure from above me. I ran my tongue along his shaft, dragging my teeth after it gently… teasing him.

"Fuck, Gee! Please… J-just do it baby," he whispered.

"Excuse me!" I said, lifting my head away from his package, "I'm not the baby here. You're _my_ baby!" I went back down and took him fully in my mouth.

"Oh **FUCK**, Gee!" he screamed. "Y-yes, I'm yours. Now take me!" I happily obeyed. It wasn't long before he came, screaming my name. I swallowed happily, savouring every drop. I lay back down next to him.

"See, babe… you don't need those razors. You just need me. Now let's talk about this."

"Gee… I don't know… It might hurt you," his body tensed and he shifted slightly away from me. I rubbed his chest.

"Well I want to know. I'm going to turn the light on. I'm not in a mood for sleeping right now." We both got up off the bed; I guessed that Mikey was replacing his underwear.

I clicked the light on and we both stood blinded by the light for a second.

"HOLY SHIT MIKEY!" I yelled when my eyes came into focus, "How the FUCK did you do that?" His torso was once again covered in scratched. I immediately regretted my outburst. Mikey's face crumpled and the tears came thick and fast. He folded his arms across his chest in a feeble attempt to hide it and began to shake violently. He attempted to speak, but it was too fast for me to understand. He was having a panic attack. I rushed to his side.

"Hey, Hey, Hey. Calm down baby! It's ok," I stroked his hair and tried to calm him down, ignoring the intense fear burning inside me. "Right, sit down and we'll talk properly," I said after his breathing had returned to a normal pace. "Ok. So how did you do that if I have your razors?" I asked calmly.

"My nails," he replied. I was confused, how could do that with just his nails?

"Right… Ok… Now _why_ did you do it?"

"Umm… Gee… I don't think yo-"

"Yes I do want to know, honey," I cut in.

"Ok. It's just… just… argh. I can't explain. You fucked Frank, and forgave him as if nothing had happened between you. And you're with _me,_ Gee. I'm your… boyfriend."

"You- You still want to be with me, Mikey?" I asked, and my face lighting up.

"Of course, sweetie," he whispered. He brought his hand up to my face and stroked my cheek before pecking me on the lips. I grinned.

"Well… carry on telling me what's wrong," I urged.

"Well… strictly speaking, you did just cheat on me. And I got upset and-and… I wanted to end it all, Gerard." My eyes widened in shock.

"Mikey, you can _never_ think like that. I've promised mum that I wouldn't let you get like this, and now I'm the bloody cause of it." I put my head in my hands, trying to control my anger towards myself but failing badly. I began to claw at my skin and I was vaguely aware of Mikey telling me to stop. I snapped out of it. Mikey was in tears, screaming that it was his fault and how he was a bad boyfriend. I shushed him. "Now then, honey. We don't want to wake mum up. It's only 3 am… and you have school tomorrow my dear." I tapped him on the nose and he pouted. "Would you like to sleep down here tonight, babe?" He nodded. We both got into my double bed and cuddled up close

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you more," I replied. He giggled and soon fell asleep in my arms.


	10. Chapter 10

For the second time that night, I was awoken by someone moving around my room. My mother was charging down my stairs and shouting for me to wake up.

"Gerard! Wake up! Mikey's not in his room!" I sighed.

"Mum, he's here," I said, gesturing to my semi-clothed brother lying next to me with his arm still draped over my bare chest and his head still buried in my side. My mother paused.

"Oh… ok honey. Why is he down here?" My mind went blank.

"Umm… I was looking after him. Bad nightmares, you know." She looked at me sceptically.

"Ok… well can you wake him up please, Gee? He has to go to school in half an hour. Can you make sure he gets there, please? I'm late for work already," she said whilst climbing my stairs.

"Sure, mum. I'll see you later, what time are you finishing tonight?" I shouted after her, but I received no reply.

I gently shook my brother awake. He yawned, stretched and rolled on top of me, but instead of kissing me he just laid his head on my chest; I was sure he could hear my fluttering heart beat.

"Mikey, baby, we just had a close run in with mum, and she says you have school today. Go and get ready please," I said in my sternest voice. He ignored me. I rolled to my right, consequently causing Mikey to crash heavily to the floor next to me. I peered over the edge and waited for his response. He giggled.

"Ok, now go and get ready for school, Mikes. I'm serious. I'm going for a shower and you had best be ready by the time I get out.

15 minutes later I emerged from my steam-filled bathroom to find Mikey sat on my bed, dressed and ready. He sauntered over to me, swinging his hips and biting his lip. I realised how lucky I was to have this boy as my own. He kissed me, but it was confusing. Soft yet hard; delicate yet rough; desperate yet reserved. He had his arms around my neck and mine were around his tiny waist, pulling him closer to me.

After he broke away we walked through the house hand in hand until we reached the door. Out neighbourhood was small and news of our partnership would reach our mother fast if we were caught. Once we were confined in the safety of my old car, Mikey placed his hand on my thigh and rubbed slightly. I tensed visibly.

"Mikey! I'm trying to drive!" I exclaimed, trying to keep my eyes on the road and not on my brother's face. "Do you want me to crash or something?"

"Yes," he whispered. I pretended not to hear him. "But I'm going to miss you, sweetie," Mikey mumbled, his face showing the raw emotion of sadness.

"It's only a few hours, babe. Stop being so dramatic, that's my job," I chuckled. Mikey grimaced.

We pulled up outside his school after 10 minutes of driving. I looked over to my brother and noticed how little effort he had put into his appearance this morning; this was highly unusual for little self-conscious Mikey. Suddenly he pulled me into an unexpected embrace.

"Ok baby… school time. I love you, gorgeous."

"I love you more, Gee. Don't forget that." And with that, Mikey clambered out of the vehicle and walked up to the school gates with his head down and his hands deep in his pockets. I sighed and drove back home.

* * *

When I got back home, I sat in the empty living room with my sketch pad and began to draw some comic book characters, each as unoriginal as the next. I was half way through the body of one at 11:30 when the home phone rang. My pencil skidded across the page as I jumped, completely ruining my sketch.

"SHIT!" I yelled, getting up to answer the phone. "Hello?" I mumbled in an angry tone.

"Hello, is that Mrs Way?" asked an unfamiliar voice from the receiver; I scowled to myself, annoyed that I was being mistaken for a middle aged woman.

"No. This is her son, Gerard Way. My mum is at work. Who is this?"

"Oh, I'm Mrs Davenport, head teacher of Mikey's school. We were just calling to enquire as to why Mikey is absent from school for the second time this week, Mr Way." My entire body froze. I couldn't comprehend what this woman had just told me.

"But… that's impossible," I finally managed to croak out, "I dropped him off at the gates myself."

"Ah… well, there may be a problem then." I resisted the urge to scream down the phone at this stranger.

"I-I'm going to go and find him. I will notify you if there are any developments," I babbled before hanging up without waiting for a reply.

I ran down to my room to grab my hoodie and wallet. As I passed my bed I noticed a piece of paper with untidy handwriting on its surface. I picked it up and read its contents:

"_Dear Gee,_

_ Baby, I can't fight this anymore. I'm broken and I can't be fixed this time. I hate myself. I hate everything. I hate what this is going to do to you. Don't blame yourself, okay? I love you, don't forget it. Don't try and find me as I will be dead by now. Say sorry to mum for me? And look after her. I'm sorry. Goodbye._

_Mikey x"_

I began to cry. I stumbled blindly to my chest of draws. The razors were gone.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," I began to mutter to myself between sobs.

I clutched the note to my aching chest and debated calling mum. I couldn't. I promised that I wouldn't let this happen, and it was all my fault. Where would he have gone? I had heard him talking in his sleep about suicide a few times in the past, so I made a mental list of likely places that he had mentioned: The woods, the park or the motorway. I planned my route as I ran out to my car. The motorway was first on my list.


	11. Chapter 11

I drove at top speed through the winding roads of New Jersey, singing along to my favourite Misfits CD, but tapping my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel still. I tried to think systematically about the situation; I had left him 3 and a half hours ago – so that was the maximum time that he could have been gone. Mikey was a lot like me. I knew it took me a couple of hours to work up the courage to take my pills, so I guessed Mikey would possibly still be alive. I snapped out of my train of thought when I reached the underpass of the motorway.

I slammed the car door. "Mikey? MIKEY?" I yelled. I was acting as if just shouting would bring him back to me. We used to come down here a lot when we were young. I remembered how we would chase each other around the pillars. We would hold hands and talk as the cars passed by. I was sure there was something between us even back then. I circled the pillars searching for my brother, or at least his body. Nothing. I shouted his name once more. Nothing. I raced back to the car, debating which of my other two options I should choose, as he could have been missing for four hours by now. I knew I could only choose one more destination. The choice was too great. I made a mental table of the reasons for and against each location.

The park. When we were young we would hold hands on the swings and roll down the grassy hills together, landing on top of one another in a heap of fallen leaves and giggles. All of my memories seemed to suggest I was in love with my brother from the start… I just didn't know it back then. The only problem was, the park was small, and a boy bleeding to death or downing pills wouldn't go unseen.

We never really went to the woods, because Mikey was scared of them when he was little, but it was quiet and secluded… no one would find him in there. The woods were small, so if I ran I could search through them in half an hour.

_Where should I go?_ The woods. I felt compelled to travel there, and I hoped that it was some kind of psychic bond between us. It was farfetched, I know, but it gave me something to hope for. 10 minutes had passed during my mental debate with myself. I ran back to my car and drove like a mad man back towards my neighbourhood and the woods that lay in its heart.

* * *

I slammed my car door shut once more, causing a loud echoing boom to sound throughout the woods. I walked quickly up and down the woodland paths, scanning the similar trees and scouring the undergrowth for any signs of life. A couple of times I saw older couples walking peacefully through, my heart fluttered when I saw movement but died down when I realised it was not him. Maybe I had chosen the wrong place. I would never forgive myself. "_Oh, Gerard, you id-_", I was drawn out of my thoughts by a low moan to my left. I froze. It happened again. I turned and ran towards it.

Slumped against a tree and covered in blood – some dried, some fresh - was Mikey. He was surrounded by no less than 10 empty packets of pills. I crashed down on my knees by his side, pulling the bandages I had brought from home from my pocket.

"Hey," I said, my voice shaking. "Hey, baby. Mikey? You in there?" I was aware of a hot, salty liquid seeping out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I ignored it. I wasn't important right now. I held his face in my hands. His eyes opened, but only half way.

"Gee… why are you here?" he slurred, "I can feel myself… going… away… I don't want y-you to be… here… But I'm s-scared." I pulled out my mobile.

"It's ok baby. I'm here. I'm calling an ambulance. Just keep talking to me." My fingers stabbed the buttons on my keypad, typing in the emergency number. His eyes suddenly fluttered fully open.

"Gerard, No! I want to die. I can't… I- I can't be here. Please let me go," Mikey was shrieking hysterically as I informed the lady on the phone of out location. I hung up.

"Mikey… Do you want to leave me?" I asked whilst bandaging up his wrists. By the looks of his clothes, he had lost so much blood. "Talk to me Mikey, I need to know you're still here."

"I… I don't… Kn-know what I … want."

"How many pills have you taken? Were all of these packets full?" He nodded weakly. 11 packets of 24. 264? Shit. I felt like screaming. "Mikey, have you been sick?" I couldn't hold my panic in any longer. My hands were shaking so much that I was struggling with the bandages.

"Mmm… No… Not yet." Mikey's voice was drowsy and distant. It scared me… so much.

"Ok baby. You're not going to like this part, but you need to be sick. How good is you're gag reflex?"

"Pretty sensitive," he replied, managing a weak smile.

"Ok, well I'm going to press my finger against the back of you're tongue and I want you to try and be sick, ok?" I knew that the best way to make him last longer was to try to get as much of the poison out of his system as was possible. I leaned forward and kissed him softly before laying him on his side so that he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. "Ready?"

"Ready." He opened his mouth slightly and I slipped my fingers in, I pressed lightly on the back of his tongue, increasing the pressure until he began to retch. Finally he threw up, several times in fact.

"I love you, Gee." He said before finally blacking out. I panicked. I grabbed his hand and held it until the ambulance came. He was laid on a stretcher and before I knew it we were both in the back of a vehicle. The ambulance. I was vaguely aware of a nurse talking to me, but I couldn't answer. I was in shock. My baby brother was dying right next to me, and I couldn't do a thing to prevent it.


	12. Chapter 12

"Where's Mikey?" my mum shrieked as she entered the hospital. My head snapped up. I'd already been there for an hour, answering the questions that the doctors and nurses constantly bombarded me with.

"He's still asleep, mum," I managed to croak out.

"Still? How long has he been out? You PROMISED me, Gerard. You said it wouldn't end up like this." My mum was clearly hysterical. I shrunk back in my chair; I knew it was my fault. There was no need to keep reminding me of the fact. I looked up at her with big eyes. I was so scared for my brother and I was scared mum was going to hate me or blame me or something. Her face smoothed out a little when she realised how much I was hurting. "I-I'm sorry, Gee. Ok, why don't you tell me what happened." She silently slipped into the chair next t me and placed her hand on my back. I flinched at the sudden contact. She removed her hand.

"Well… um… I got back from dropping Mikey off at school, an-and the principal called me and said Mikey wasn't at school," I began to sob, "T-then I went downstairs and there was a note on my b-bed and-"

"What did the note say?" My mum interrupted. I didn't know what to say, I couldn't show her because she would know something was wrong by the way that he had written it and the phrases he had used.

"Umm… I lost it when I was looking for him, but it basically said he couldn't cope anym-more and to say s-sorry to you and, um, for me to look after you. But after that I went to look for him and I f-found him in the woods and he was bleeding so bad and he was surrounded by empty packets of pills an-and." I couldn't keep it in any more. I hunched over so my head was in my hands on my lap, crying so hard I could barely breathe. Mum stroked my arm and made little shushing noises. She was always calm in situations like this, crying very little and supporting other people who were breaking down badly – she would cry later.

My crying was interrupted by Mikey moving around in his bed. We both leapt to our feet and stood at his bedside. My breathing was still a little shaky, but I was trying to keep it under control so we could hear what Mikey was mumbling.

"No… Gee… Don't leave me… I love you so much… lets run away… lets leave… go… mum… sorry… I love him… proper love… and he loves me… don't. be…. Mad."

I stumbled backwards. I was in shit now.

"Gerard… what is he talking about?" I stared at her, feeling like a deer in the headlights. I studied her face, trying to work out if she was angry, upset, disappointed… her expression was blank.

"I- I don't… know…" I couldn't speak. The room began to spin. I blacked out.

When I came round, my mum was bent over me with two other nurses. I could see the bright, florescent lights of the hospital ceiling above me and my head hurt a lot; I must have hit it pretty hard on the way down.

"Mr Way, are you ok?" one of the nurses was pushing my hair out of my face and feeling for my temperature. I batted her hand away.

"Sure, sure… I'm fine," I replied, standing up and dusting myself off.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one surrounded by nurses, not you," came a voice from the other side of the room.

"Mikey," I whispered, "You're ok." He giggled weakly, knowing it wasn't funny at all.

"Of course I am, I couldn't leave you and mum now could I." I knew exactly what he was doing. He was pretending to be ok so that he wouldn't have to stay in hospital for any longer than necessary, also it prevents you being sent to a therapist multiple times. I knew this trick all too well. "I was woken up by a rather loud bang, any idea what that was?" I smiled weakly.

"No idea… I think I'm going to go home. Do you know when he'll be out, nurse?" I said, turning to one of the women that had been leaning over me earlier.

"Well… we pumped his stomach when he got here and the doctor said that his blood samples are pretty clean. As far as we know, his stomach and liver haven't suffered too much damage - it looks like you found him just in time Mr Way. But anyway, we think that he may be allowed out later this afternoon, depending on what the doctor says after he's done his rounds."

"Oh, ok. Thank you very much. I think I'm going to go home and get changed and washed. I'll see you later Mikey, hopefully. Are you staying here, mum?" I asked. She jumped, as if I had interrupted her train of thought.

"Um… yes, Gerard. I'll see you when I get home." She didn't look me in the eyes. As I walked out of the ward I heard Mikey talking.

"Don't be mad at Gee please, mum. It's not his fault." I heard him say.

"It's not that Mikey, it's something else. But we'll talk about it at home."

I swallowed and carried on walking, I knew that there was going to be a rather awkward conversation when we were all home. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and walked out into the car park, trying to work out in my head what we were going to say to my mum. I got into my old contraption and drove away from the hospital, planning my speech as I went.


	13. Chapter 13

I pulled into our drive and slammed my car door shut as hard as I could. I was so angry at Mikey for letting our secret slip. I stormed down to my room in the basement and stripped out of my clothes, throwing them carelessly onto my bed. I walked into my bathroom and took a long, hot shower. I thought a lot. I wondered how mine and Mikey's relationship would be after this. I was extremely upset with him and I didn't know if I'd be able to look at him after what he just put me through, let alone talk to him.

I exited the room with a towel tied around my waist, shivering when the cold air hit my bare chest. I jumped. Mikey was sat on the floor in front of me. I blinked a few times and continued walking.

"Gerard, please." Mikey was getting up and following me. I went back into my bathroom and slammed the door. I sat on the floor just inside the doorway, leaning against the door to keep Mikey out. I heard him sit down on the other side.

"Mum wants to talk to us, you know. She sounds serious. Do you know what it's about?" he whispered.

"Mikey… at the hospital you were talking in your sleep. You said you loved me. Said we should run away. Told mum specifically that you love me. That's why I passed out. I was scared. So… scared." Mikey didn't reply for a couple of minutes.

"Shit… I'm sorry, Gee. We're gonna be in shit loads of trouble," he said eventually. He sounded petrified. I opened the door.

We sat looking at each other for about a minute before Mikey came crawling into my lap. I wrapped him up in my arms, rocking him slightly and kissing his head. He was shaking like a leaf.

"Hey…," I said, lifting his head up and looking him in the eyes, "If this doesn't go down well, we can always leave, right?" Mikey nodded enthusiastically. He pressed his lips against mine and swivelled in my lap so he was facing me properly. We kissed for a while until Mikey began to cry again.

"I-I can't lose you, Gee," he sobbed.

"It's ok. Right… You need to go back upstairs now. I'll be there in a minute. We'll get through this, ok?" I stood up and grabbed his hands, pulling him up in front of me. Mikey trudged up the stairs, dragging his feet and stuffing his hands deep into his pockets.

I sighed, realising that mum was obviously not going to be happy about this; but to be honest, she would probably allow it to continue as long as she didn't have to know about it. On the other hand, she could go mental at us and kick one (or both of us) out. I began to ascend the stairs, going over my plan in my head. I headed straight for the kitchen.

* * *

"Gerard?" My mum's voice came from the living room. I reluctantly popped my head around the door frame. "Come in here please." She was sat on one of the chairs from the dining room that she had pulled up on front of the sofa where Mikey was sat, shaking uncontrollably.

"Hey, mum. What's up?" I asked, feeling stupid as I had probably just given mother an open invitation to rant at me.

"Well, that's what we're here to discuss. I assume Gerard has informed you of what happened in the hospital, Mikey?" she said, pausing as he nodded slowly. "Well I'd like us to have a chat about that. I don't want to go to heavily into this at the moment though, considering what Gerard and I have just been put through, Mikey." Mikey looked down into his lap guiltily. "Now, I know that you both think that I'm probably going to rip you limb from limb and toss you out of the house, but I'm not." Mikey relaxed visibly after this. "But I would like to say that I do **not** want to hear anything about this. I want this to be kept a secret and I don't want you doing… umm… other things." I could tell that mum was getting embarrassed about having to discuss this. "Have you… done… anything yet?" she asked. Now was her turn to look down into her lap embarrassedly.

"JESUS MOTHER!" I yelled, "WE'RE NOT FUCKING." Mikey jumped at my outburst.

"LANGUAGE, GEE!" my mother yelled back. Mikey looked about on the verge of tears; I had to resist putting my arm around his waist and pulling him in closer to me. "Anyway, Mikey," she said, turning her softened gaze towards him, "I'm gonna be keeping a really close eye on you. I trust that Gee can look after you well, but I just want you to promise me that you won't do anything like that again. It scared me so much, baby." Mum got up and sat the other side of Mikey, pulling him into a hug. Mikey played with the hem of her shirt, acting like a little kid again.

"I promise, mum. I'm going to get better. I mean it this time."

"Good. Good. Anyway… I'm going to go food shopping seeing as we have no food at the moment. And I have a headache, and I need to buy some pills as we don't seem to have any left." Mikey shrunk back into his chair, still unable to make eye contact with mum.

I stood at the window and waved mum off as she pulled out of the drive. I hoped that she'd be gone quite a while as I needed to talk to Mikey seriously about what had happened. I strolled back over to the couch, sitting down on it heavily, making Mikey jump once more.

"Hey, Mikes, Why are you so jumpy?" I asked. He looked up into my eyes.

"I was so sure that she was going to kill us or something, Gee. I was so scared." I giggled.

"Mikey, Mum loves us so much, and I don't think that she's really up to man slaughter at the moment." Mikey Smiled.

"Anyway, we need to ta—" I was cut off mid sentence by Mikey's lips crashing into my own. I didn't resist at all, I just kissed back harder. He placed his hands under my shirt, grabbing the material and pulling it over my head. I leaned into his neck and gasped as he began to grind me.

"Fuck talking," I panted into his neck, "I just want to know that you're ok, Mikey."

"Right now… I'm fucking amazing."


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey, baby, I'm home!" I yelled, hanging my coat up in the hallway. Mikey came bounding out of the living room, throwing himself upon me as if he hadn't seen me in days. I caught him and he wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck; I smiled – he was still just as fucking skinny and light as he always was.

"How was work, gorgeous?" he asked, placing his feet back on the ground.

"It was good. What did you do today? I hate you being here on your own baby… I get worried." It had been 5 years since Mikey's suicide attempt, but that didn't stop the nightmares coming.

"It's fine, honey. I feel horrible that you're out working all the time while I just sit here being useless," Mikey said, pouting a little.

"No you know that's not true! Anyway, we're going over to mums for dinner in a couple of hours."

"Well… what are we going to do in the meantime, Gee?" Mikey asked coyly.

"Hmm… I wonder," I replied, smiling into a kiss before stumbling up the stairs to our bedroom.

I pushed my brother down on our bed and relieved him of his old Metallica t-shirt. I marvelled at his bare skin, tracing all of his bones and noticing that his scars had faded so much that you could barely tell them apart from his normal skin tone; I knew he was better. He clawed desperately at the waistband of my jeans, and I giggled, pulling my own shirt over my head and reaching in the draw next to our bed for the lube.

I could feel Mikey was already painfully hard underneath me already.

"Are you topping or bottoming today, baby?" I whispered into Mikey's ear.

"I think you already know," he panted against my neck. Before I knew what had happened, Mikey had removed both mine and his own pair of jeans.

"Ok… ready?" I coated my fingers in lube and gently pushed one finger inside of him, beginning the stretching process. Once I had reached three fingers, Mikey was practically begging me to enter him.

I rolled on my condom and coated it in lube.

"Ok, are you re-"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Mikey yelled, "Just get in me, Gee!" I complied. As I pushed myself in slowly Mikey moaned and began to grip my sides quite tightly until it was bordering on pain. We soon built up a steady rhythm, and I coupled it with the movement of my hand upon Mikey's erection. We were used to this by now; sex had become a regular thing for us after me and Mikey had moved away. We didn't care that we shouldn't be doing this, and we didn't care that we had to pretend that we weren't doing anything in front of our mum… it just felt so right being this close to each other.

After a few more minutes of panting, moaning and screaming we came simultaneously; we were good at that. We collapsed, sticky and breathless onto the bed in each others arms. Mikey liked to cuddle, and I liked to cuddle Mikey, especially after sex.

"Gee… Do you think this is wrong?" I was expecting this. Mikey always asked seemingly random questions about our relationship after sex. "I mean, we can't get married and we can't have children… and I know how much you wanted a family…" Mikey trailed off, stroking my chest and refusing to make eye contact with me.

"You forget, Mikey… you ARE family. And I love you more than I could ever love anyone else in the world. You're my little brother… and I love you more than anyone loves anyone else." I replied, stroking his hair.

"Nu-uh. That's not true."

"Really?" I replied, feeling kind of stupid.

"You don't love me more than I love you, Gee."

* * *

**Authors Note: Thank you for reading! Reviews are REALLY appreciated. Lots of Love, Emily xoxox**


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